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In short, it sucks big fat smelly ass.
I've been at my place of employment since graduating college in 1998 and have felt very safe and taken care of there. Well...until today.
I suppose I shouldn't feel betrayed by the lack of 'corporate love', especially in today's economy, however I was lulled into thinking that a decade of high performing service would be a safeguard against something like this. Clearly it isn't, but it did buy me 60 days of extra time to look for something new within the company whereas many others were shown the door.
It's times like these where you are truly forced to stop and reflect on how much your identity is tied up with your place of employment. Who am I without a job? What am I without a title? What does it say about me if I'm unable to find work and/or no one will hire me? That really stings.
Today I feel like a failure. I feel incompetent and worthless. I'm unsure about my future despite everyone saying "It's going to be ok". I've worked hard for the life I have today and frankly, don't want to lose it without a fight. At what point do you get sick of fighting and simply give up?
There will be a lot of decisions to make in the next two months and although my instinct tells me that everything happens for a reason, I'm still scared.
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7 comments:
Oh girl. . . it's hard to venture in to the unknown, but you know you have support. Whatever happens, you won't be without support or your core identity. These are great questions to ask yourself. Thinking of you....
I've been thinking of you a lot, and how unfair it is that you are having to struggle so much to get another job.
I could write an essay about how you have absolutely no reason to be feeling worthless right now, but you'll soon see this for yourself. Just keep hanging in there.
Scary... yes. But know, that when one door closes another door opens. Sometimes it's a window, not a door. Just know that there's always a reason although not always seen at the time. Perhaps you'll be recruited, sponsored, and big time $$$ for adventure racing. ;-) Amy
Michelle, I am sorry to hear about your job loss and how abruptly it came about. If this time off now affords you additional opportunities to race, run and play, please let me know how I may help you with some of our gear, Ibex, Teko, Atlas, Gregory. Take care and all the best.
I've been lurking, reading your blog for awhile, sorry to hear about the job. My wife went through this a couple years back, and now my son (28) is experiencing unemployment. I know in my son's case his emotions are riding a rollar coaster and he is getting more scared as the time drags on. Treat it like a long race, know that it can get worse, but that it will get better too, just hang in there for the long haul!
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Michelle--it has been a year since you blogged about losing your job. Does it get easier 1 year later. I lost my job and then got a new one...but the sense of lack of control still remains with me...I pray you have climbed out of that feeling and are progressing.
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